26 March 2014

In my opinion

Birthday's can be kind of difficult as an adult. I fully blame the fact that I have too high of birthday expectations on my Mom because she made a big production of birthday's growing up and as it turns out, birthdays are any other day when you're an adult.

I also happened to marry a guy whose family does not approach birthdays with the same enthusiasm as my Mom, thus- he just doesn't get it. "But my birthday is in 3 days! Why aren't special things happening to me?! Why are you talking about anything besides my impending day of birth?! There are zero balloons and banners in the house- Did we get robbed?!" etc. Poor guy.

I remember 25 being a hard birthday - not because I felt old but because I was no where near where I wanted to be in life by 25. I definitely felt some sort of a quarter life crisis.  If you had asked me at 15 where I saw myself at 25 - yeah, it wouldn't have been renting a dingy 1 bedroom basement apartment (it literally had slugs in the bathroom when it rained), nannying full time while I fiddled around with the idea of going back to school because I still had no idea of what I was going to do with my life.

And I guess thats partly why I find birthdays hard as an adult - life crowds in and it forces me to reflect on where I am in life- and I don't know about you, but my 20's haven't been smooth sailing. There have been ups and downs, and more ups and more downs, and I haven't quite figured out cruise control yet because my life still goes up and down, the good happens and the bad happens (really with no warning either way), and my life moves forward really fast and then slams on the breaks. I just feel like my life would have looked and felt different by 28, that's all.

But all that said, I can't say that I am not having fun. A lot of really great things happened this last year. As a 27 year old, I started working as a birth doula for the first time and fell madly, head over heels in love with the birth profession and wondered why it had taken me so long to start. I have found where I need to be - I don't know all the details yet, but I know I am headed in the right direction. A review from one of my favorite clients who said at the end "I would recommend her to any woman who wants a steadfast friend for the incredible journey into motherhood." put tears in my eyes and reaffirmed that my hearts desire for this profession was being felt by my clients. I left my nanny job of 5 years which was the most bittersweet, tragically sad yet freeing choice I made all year. I love those two kids so very much and miss sharing in their daily life, watching them grow up day by day, and playing a big part in that. But leaving that job in order to make being a doula a priority was such a smart decision. Nate and I traveled a bit and set up two homes together. My 27th year of life was us working on our second year of marriage- and its still a lot of work but a lot of fun. We went to some funerals together and more weddings together, we celebrated accomplishments (ours and others), and we sat with his mom in the waiting room during his dads 8 hour surgery. The month of August changed my life- Wesleigh Catherine being born was hands down, the very best part of being 27.

I know I have a lot to look forward to as a 28 year old. There are weddings on the horizon that I am thrilled about (siblings, family, and friends). We have good friends whom we love dearly. I miss my family every day, but am lucky that the 2.5 hours separating us, is an easy one. I am looking forward to where this year takes Nate and I (he will turn 30 this year, which I have been looking forward to since he turned 26. And hopefully this is the year he finally buys me a puppy) and I am looking forward to where life takes my sisters.

28 will be great, I'm sure. Not all of it- but hopefully most of it. And I may not be where 18 year old me thought I'd be 10 years later- but hey, I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot in my life has gone really, really well.

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